And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
