My sheets look like a crime scene.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
