Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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