If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
