HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
