you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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