he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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