You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
