She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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