I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
