just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Barsexuality is the new black.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
