Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize