he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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