wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I want is dick and wine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
