you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
