i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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