mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
