I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
