I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
