you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you had me at cake vodka
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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