You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
