I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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