Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
