Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
