Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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