I wish I could teleport
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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