Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
