i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
