last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?