you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach