we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
