I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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