ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
