perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
