this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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