Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
