he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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