He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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