38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize