You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
