I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
