the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
