i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
