Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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