And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize