Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
