lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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