He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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