Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize