Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
