Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
