yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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