too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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