If i come over, it means nothing
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
