respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
