I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
