Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!