I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.