Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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