i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
