so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
