Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
