She said her name was "party"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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