im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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