Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
