So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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