So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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