He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
