I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
