I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
