dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
