Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
