Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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