I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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