So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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