Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
